The Placement of a Word

18 August

Ib didn’t show up yesterday. When I called she said she was stuck in Algiers. Her Dad wasn’t ready to come back and wouldn’t let her take the bus back to Bejaia on her own. L had lunch yesterday with her boyfriend. And was 20 minutes late getting back. I tried calling and calling. She wouldn’t pick up. She said “I didn’t want to use up your minutes.” That frustrates me to no end. If I pick up the phone to call you that means I am prepared to pay for the call. And I said for the 100th time: “if you are going to be late just beep me and I will call you back.” They have gotten better. Sa now sends texts if she is late and N as well. But I am wondering if L didn’t want to do this project just to be able to see her boyfriend…she lives in a village 2 hours from the city…
N sleeps through the lunch break—she’s spending the summer at the beach and parties all night long. She wakes up asking who has food to give her.

Both newspaper articles that have come out have had a lot of mistakes—typos, totally changing things I tell them—I told the Depeche de Kabylie journalist that we have been working two months. He didn’t think that was enough so he put four months. He couldn’t quite get it that my name is Taous Claire Khazem. And insisted on writing Taous-Claire. I sent them 4 pictures of the girls and the editor pulled a picture of me off the internet. When I complain to other artists here they say: “what did you expect?”
So has started getting “headaches” every time the work gets a little bit tough. I called her on it yesterday. F got through an entire day without insulting anyone.

A French director and two other actors were touring the theatre yesterday. They came in and sat down during rehearsal. S completely froze. Couldn’t move. Kept giggling. How are you going to be able to perform in front of a packed audience if you can’t in front of three people? She says in the 3 other shows she’s worked on she always gets scared. I told them you have to imagine that the audience is there all the time. This might be a problem…As of next week I am going to start inviting people to watch in small doses.

A lot of these girls were in a show that the TRB produced in Kabyle last year. Sometimes when we are creating dialogue they reference that show. I worry because that is the only reference they have that they sometimes blend and mix up the two projects. I told them yesterday: “Be careful. This is not the same story. We need to stay true to these characters.” But of course I didn’t see this play and I don’t speak Kabyle fluently. I turned to the visiting director yesterday and said:
“I’m crazy! I am directing a play in a language I don’t even speak! Who does that?!”

Oh, and we have a title: Timiqwa n Tmucuha, which loosely translated means, Droplets of Stories.

19 August

I asked if a certain dialogue had been fixed. “No not yet.” So they sat down to write it out. So and F started fighting. An argument about a word. The placement of a word. Then F got up to get her stuff and leave. I intervened. The same pattern as usual. They fight. I don’t understand. I break up the fight. One wants to leave. I insist on figuring out the problem. Maybe I should just let them walk out. But they are only 7. The show is their creation. It would hard to replace them. And with a voice that I don’t know where it came from I said “what would you do in my place?” And Sa said “I would pick up my stuff and leave.” And I said “that is not a solution. I am here to see this project through to the end. I am going nowhere. I did not work for a year and a half preparing for this summer to play referee. You have worked for two months and you are throwing it all down the toilet. Figure it out.”

And then there was this silence like I’ve never heard in that space. Because my voice caught in my throat. And maybe suddenly they realized I’m not so different from them.

After lunch I came back and said “if you have something to say that is not in service of this show that don’t bother saying it.”

Then when they were working on writing out the text they have created in the scene improves I went upstairs and found D who has been working as a director at the TRB for years and years. Some of the girls have worked with him before. Some really want to work with them. I asked him to come down and have a chat. He told me:

You have to be a dictator when you direct in this country. Algeria is only 46 years old. We’ve only had a semblance of democracy since 1988. How do you expect to work with everyone giving their opinions? Collective creation! Ha! We don’t even have democracy in our homes. When I direct here I am a tyrant. You give them an ounce of liberty and…well…good luck…tigers let out of their cages.

He came down into the theatre and amongst other things he said: “I can’t believe you fight in Kabyle in front of your director on stage. That is the most disrespectable thing you could do.” And all of their heads dropped. “Put all of that energy into creation, working on your characters on the show as a hole. Why are you wasting your time? The stage never lies—if don’t put the work in you need than it will show. And it will you in front of that public. Not Taous. And she’s going to leave in two weeks. Back to the US. You might never see her again. But I’ll still be here.” In other words if you even dream of thinking I would ever cast you after seeing how you work here—think again.

It kills me that I had to bring D in. What did I do in the beginning that they just assumed they could behave like this? I wish I could work backwards and see. I have been quite severe from the beginning and demanding. And I have been repeating these same things over and over again.

I found some apple juice imported from Turkey last night. Pure apple juice no sugar added. The brand is called Joyful. I think I will keep drinking it up until next Wednesday…